smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
