Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
