if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
