I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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