Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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