Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize