He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
