just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
