Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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