Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
