I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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