i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
