Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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