mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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