Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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