just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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