WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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