so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
