My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
