I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Holy shit dude........stairs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
