Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
