I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
