I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
