i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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