I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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