I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
MIDGETS
????
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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