i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
