uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
