You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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