A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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