we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
