I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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