Just cropdusted the office
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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