I accidentally had phone sex last night
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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