If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My cat gives me a boner
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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