Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
