cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
