It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
