Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
