neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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