i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
