just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
