Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize