how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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