someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize