no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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