I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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