worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
