If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
