It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
