Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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