the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
