is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The beer is more important than you right now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
