Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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