I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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