I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
