i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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