Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
