Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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