I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she told me i tasted like america
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
